To anyone who read my blog, or may read it.
My exchange was ended early in March. I flew back home March 22nd. The only thing I wanted to get into was I am sorry. I let down a lot of people, and threw away a pretty good opportunity that I had. It was a bad ending to a good year, and hey, shit happens, I messed up.
I thank everyone who was ever involved in my exchange and also thank my host families.
I decided to post this now, because I am only just now closing this chapter to my life. It was a long summer and the repercussions of this year were stretched out a long time.
November 28, 2012
February 20, 2012
Viva la Vida
WOw, already February, actually February is almost over. Not going to mention that gaudy timeline of my exchange, but yeah its past that number between 49% and 51% over. Well I love exchange, nothing new there. One of many that can proudly say that Rotary has really been a lifechanging event for me. The whole thing is so thought provoking, to be in this situation it never gets old, its always changing, always new. That is the situation of an exchange student. The whole thing starts as soon as you fill those papers out. The mind grows, and thinks in new ways that it has never thought before. The other weekend I was coming home from Erics house (American exchange student) It was about a 4 hour train ride home. Normally one would think that would be pretty boring, and naturally I thought I would just listen to my iPod the whole time or maybe doze off a bit. But I actually just started thinking about my life, and where I am, just simply thought of the experiences I have had here, and what they really mean to me, and what influence they may have on my future life. This thought process simply kept going, and I never got bored off it. I found myself then 4 hours later sitting home, still thinking. What exactly I thought of, I still dont know, but it was really cool to be able to do that, to just and be in quiet and peace and think to yourself. It was relaxing, and its something I have never done before. I bet to the other people on the train I might of looked like a very strange person, to just sit and stare out the window for hours straight. But I was in my own little world. Nothing mattered to me then. After that weekend I really felt the happiest I have ever felt in my life. Theres no words to describe the feeling I had, other than the simple ones of Peace, Content, and Happiness. But those words dont touch the surface of how great I felt. This feeling is also a general feeling about my whole life, its been a developing one, ever since I started exchange. Its a feeling of belonging in life, Being with the right people, and doing the right things. That weekend was nothing crazy spectacular. Just a simple one, with true friends, something that I can not say I have always experienced my whole life. But this weekend I felt that feeling, and was just so amazing to have this entire feeling of just really living life. Simple as that. What I actually did was on Friday, I went to Wasserburg with Victor, and we went to a really small German house party. Saturday I went to an FC Bayern game with Tobi, and then on Saturday night I went to a Faschings party with Eric. Just a great weekend, with some of my best 3 friends. This was the weekend direclty after my birthday. It was a perfect birthday for me honestly. I include this weekend in my birthday, and it was the best one I ever had.
To describe what happened on my birthday. It was some what normal to an american. I woke up, and they already had the cake made, and we ate cake for breakfast, and I opened my presents then. There was no candles, and no singing. But it was a good surprise anyways. Then at school, well on the way in the train all the people I knew gave me handshakes or hugs saying happy birthday in German. Then at school when I walked into class, they all sang happy birthday for me, that was really amazing. It was really nice to see they all cared. Then I got some more hugs and handshakes, and the day went as normal. When I got home we just had a nice family day together and went iceskating on the Chimesee. Was a very nice and enjoyable birthday exactly what I wanted.
Recently I got a bit sick, and was unable to attend any more faschings parties this weekend, or go to the Rotary weekend. But thats alright. Deutschland tour is in about a month, and I cannot describe how excited I am for that. Savannah comes on Wednesday, cannot wait for that either. It will be a great week for the holidays. Oh yeah I forgot to say, I have this entire week off of school, haha, just because its Faschings in Germany and yeah we have a week holiday in the middle of February. Me and Savannah are planning on going to Salzburg, Munich, Rosenheim, and possibly Innsbruck, should be really fun.
January 31, 2012
Why how interesting.
To start, I know this isnt a conventional blog, of everything little thing that I do and stuff, but I try to keep up with some of that stuff and also a bit of that other good stuff and so what, keep a mix, but if there is anything any of you want me to talk about, like comparisons of something between Germany and USA, just comment on this post.
This has been a long time coming, this entire year, the whole process, of Rotary. Yes I am a person that keeps tracks of dates, and well yeah, you may already know, but I just come out and say it, bad or not. But officially on February 9th, my exchange is half over. It is more of a number than actual significance to me. Ahhh who am i kidding, it sucks! The first half of my year was a rollercoaster, filled with some of the highest highs of my life, and some of the lowest lows. Lets hope for a more constant second half. But I dont regret a thing from the first half. Even thoughs those lows sucked, they made me who I am sitting here right now, they are the things that will show me later in life, what is really hard, and I refer to the frase ,what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger, and in this circumstance it fits perfectly well. I am also a bit relieved of the half way. It is good to be coming along so well, I mean coming into this half way point, life is really great, and I only think it will get better. But the feeling that gets me, is one that is soo hard to put words into it. I love Germany, I am a completely new person here, when I look back at myself before I came here, that boy iss soo far gone. This year will always be the point in my life, that I knew that I actually grew up. On that note, I love the new me, I have soo much more self confidence than before, and I love just being here in this place at this time. Its really just a different life, I feel this is my life now. And that brings me to the second half of this feeling I am trying to describe. I do want to go home, as much as I really really love everything and anythign here, all the aspects of life. I still want to return to home and normality at some point, whether i want to in 6 months or in 2 years, that I dont know. But what I do know is that I am going home in 6 months whether I like or not. It will be going back to tthe old life, but I am not looking at in that way, yes it will be a return to my normal surroundings, but I dont plan on anything really being that similar when I go back. I will be a different person and so will my life. This is this strange feelings concept. It almost seems to me like I have 2 different lives, the one here, and the one back home, I wont choose which one I like more, because that would simply discredit the other. Its a feeling that rips you inside, to ever even ponder your mind about going home and leaving everything here behind. But inside yourself, you dont know what it will be like to go home, you may think it will be great, but bad, but its like starting over again. When I came here it was starting over essentially in life, no one knew me, I could be whoever I wanted to be. I am proud of the person that I have become here. But on that point, who am I suppose to be when I return, I know the friends and family will somewhat expect a mostly similar person to the one that left, But I am simply not that. Its a strange feeling to try and think how you will fit back in.
I only think about all this going home stuff just because of the circumstance of an email I got pertaining to the my return flight ticket, and that gaudy half way number. These are my thoughts now, probably a bit uncomprehendable to any one other than myself, but I also think it will be interesting to compare when that (insert adjective here) day in July comes.
But what really matters is that I think these last 6 months should be the best ones of my life, and I am determined to make them that way. I am just going to do it, like Nike tells me. Go out and do it and not look back, I am at the point in life, where I know what I want, I know what makes me happy, and I am going to go get that, and I willl be blunt here, but I am not going to care what anyone thinks honestly. What I did in the past is over, and I will not stop to ponder about what other peoples thoughts of me are, and why I do the things I do. I will contradict myself here, but if and when i do care to wonder sometimes how I look to other people, but in an essence, I only hope that I portray exactly what I described before, someone that just does what makes himself happy. But thats me, understand it or not, its who I am.
To switch, and look at progress through halfway, German, well I am dissapointed in myself for my progress, I am not fluent yet, but I really understand about a good 75% of things, a bit low for where I wanted, and I can also make myself be understood. I am hoping to really hit my stride in the upcoming months with German.
Here is your update Mom, Its the same old same old, with school and that sort of life, my plans that i stated before havent changed much. Not going to Prague though. and yeah its the same as home when you ask how my day was, and i simply reply the same as always (While it may be a bit more intriguing here in Germany). But to let you know, I still havent changed that about me.
On a finishing note. I...am simply left speechless sometimes. I cant say what exactly it is sometimes, just a gerneral thought about everything and anything. To think about that, whatever you may want to ponder about, Life, death, People, God, Culture, Values, Love, any aspect of life, and take it to the broadest scale you can, whether you think about it analytically or with emotion. Then simply try to comprehend it, to figure it out, to understand what it means, it cant be done. Its a really indescribable feeling, and I have done this for hours at a time, yes I am alone for quite awhile sometimes, but it always makes me refer to one thing, While There are so many, soooooo many other aspects of this world that I may never be able to comprehend or control, there is one thing in this life, that I can control, and that is me. This makes me want to be the best human being I can be and simply live my life to the absolute fullest, and yeah just be ME.
This has been a long time coming, this entire year, the whole process, of Rotary. Yes I am a person that keeps tracks of dates, and well yeah, you may already know, but I just come out and say it, bad or not. But officially on February 9th, my exchange is half over. It is more of a number than actual significance to me. Ahhh who am i kidding, it sucks! The first half of my year was a rollercoaster, filled with some of the highest highs of my life, and some of the lowest lows. Lets hope for a more constant second half. But I dont regret a thing from the first half. Even thoughs those lows sucked, they made me who I am sitting here right now, they are the things that will show me later in life, what is really hard, and I refer to the frase ,what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger, and in this circumstance it fits perfectly well. I am also a bit relieved of the half way. It is good to be coming along so well, I mean coming into this half way point, life is really great, and I only think it will get better. But the feeling that gets me, is one that is soo hard to put words into it. I love Germany, I am a completely new person here, when I look back at myself before I came here, that boy iss soo far gone. This year will always be the point in my life, that I knew that I actually grew up. On that note, I love the new me, I have soo much more self confidence than before, and I love just being here in this place at this time. Its really just a different life, I feel this is my life now. And that brings me to the second half of this feeling I am trying to describe. I do want to go home, as much as I really really love everything and anythign here, all the aspects of life. I still want to return to home and normality at some point, whether i want to in 6 months or in 2 years, that I dont know. But what I do know is that I am going home in 6 months whether I like or not. It will be going back to tthe old life, but I am not looking at in that way, yes it will be a return to my normal surroundings, but I dont plan on anything really being that similar when I go back. I will be a different person and so will my life. This is this strange feelings concept. It almost seems to me like I have 2 different lives, the one here, and the one back home, I wont choose which one I like more, because that would simply discredit the other. Its a feeling that rips you inside, to ever even ponder your mind about going home and leaving everything here behind. But inside yourself, you dont know what it will be like to go home, you may think it will be great, but bad, but its like starting over again. When I came here it was starting over essentially in life, no one knew me, I could be whoever I wanted to be. I am proud of the person that I have become here. But on that point, who am I suppose to be when I return, I know the friends and family will somewhat expect a mostly similar person to the one that left, But I am simply not that. Its a strange feeling to try and think how you will fit back in.
I only think about all this going home stuff just because of the circumstance of an email I got pertaining to the my return flight ticket, and that gaudy half way number. These are my thoughts now, probably a bit uncomprehendable to any one other than myself, but I also think it will be interesting to compare when that (insert adjective here) day in July comes.
But what really matters is that I think these last 6 months should be the best ones of my life, and I am determined to make them that way. I am just going to do it, like Nike tells me. Go out and do it and not look back, I am at the point in life, where I know what I want, I know what makes me happy, and I am going to go get that, and I willl be blunt here, but I am not going to care what anyone thinks honestly. What I did in the past is over, and I will not stop to ponder about what other peoples thoughts of me are, and why I do the things I do. I will contradict myself here, but if and when i do care to wonder sometimes how I look to other people, but in an essence, I only hope that I portray exactly what I described before, someone that just does what makes himself happy. But thats me, understand it or not, its who I am.
To switch, and look at progress through halfway, German, well I am dissapointed in myself for my progress, I am not fluent yet, but I really understand about a good 75% of things, a bit low for where I wanted, and I can also make myself be understood. I am hoping to really hit my stride in the upcoming months with German.
Here is your update Mom, Its the same old same old, with school and that sort of life, my plans that i stated before havent changed much. Not going to Prague though. and yeah its the same as home when you ask how my day was, and i simply reply the same as always (While it may be a bit more intriguing here in Germany). But to let you know, I still havent changed that about me.
On a finishing note. I...am simply left speechless sometimes. I cant say what exactly it is sometimes, just a gerneral thought about everything and anything. To think about that, whatever you may want to ponder about, Life, death, People, God, Culture, Values, Love, any aspect of life, and take it to the broadest scale you can, whether you think about it analytically or with emotion. Then simply try to comprehend it, to figure it out, to understand what it means, it cant be done. Its a really indescribable feeling, and I have done this for hours at a time, yes I am alone for quite awhile sometimes, but it always makes me refer to one thing, While There are so many, soooooo many other aspects of this world that I may never be able to comprehend or control, there is one thing in this life, that I can control, and that is me. This makes me want to be the best human being I can be and simply live my life to the absolute fullest, and yeah just be ME.
January 24, 2012
Grateful
To start, The other day I was walking around in a little german city, in the alps, with all the other exchange students, just simply walking around the city. It was raining, and it was cold, and I was carrying around all of my ski stuff from the weekend, but it was just simply a really really nice feeling to be there in that moment at the time. To think how grateful I am to be here in Germany, and just simply how amazing it is, and how lucky I am to do this. I looked at what i was doing at the same time last year, probably sitting downstairs at home playing video games. This year I was walking around in Germany with exchange students from all over the world, and I was speaking German, Spanish, and English. It is just such a cool feeling, and it makes me feel like I am actually doing something big and important for once in my life.
After this I thought about something not so enjoyable. I have already been here for 4 months almost 5. And the new exchange students just recently came, the ones that go from January to January. (Australians, Brasilians, Argentinians etc.) That makes me an oldie. Which are the group of exchange students that have been here longer etc. But that just feels soo strange. I still remember the day I came here perfectly, and everything was soo new, and I was the newbie exchange student. And meeting all of the previous oldies. But that was soo long ago, Berlin tour is already over, and we only have 4 more rotary events until we go home. One of them being the next one, is meeting the outbounds. The germans that are abbout to leave in the upcoming summer. This all just brings back memories of me, one year ago being that outbound. And for all of you outbounds reading this, hang on to that moment, and start to write your blog then if your going to write one. That feeling of starting this whole thing and meeting the inbounds is such a great feeling, and its a good idea to capture that. But i just remember being there and thinking how cool the inbounds where, and now thats me, and also being an oldie. The time really flys here and I am almost half way over with my year.
The reason i was in this little german city in the Alps was last weekend we had another rotary weekend and we all went skiing in Oberstdorf for 2 days. It was so amazing. Lots of fun like always, and these weekends with Rotary have honestly been the best weekends of my life. They are soo fun, usually from Friday to Sunday, every moment is enjoyable, whether we are doing anything special or not. Next weekend I will be going back to Wasserburg to make some Mexican food with my friend Victor from Mexico. Then the first week in February I will be going way north of Bavaria, to stay in the house of another american exchange student. We will be celebrating a birthday of an Exchange student from Argentina. Possibly watching the superbowl as well at a crazy hour in the middle of the night. After that is my birthday on tuesday, and the following saturday I am treating myself to a FC Bayern Munich game with a friend from Rosenheim (Tobi). THe weekend after that is another Rotary weekend meeting the Oubounds, and then we have a week off of school for Faschings. This apparently is some huge German Festival, or Carnival, which includes dressing up in ridiculous costumes and doing ridiculous things. Then on the 22nd of February, one of my best friends in the world is coming for 5 days. I met her through rotary as an outbound and she right now is an exchange student in Norway (From wisconsin) That will be great. Well thats been it for right now. Life has been really enjoyable and it gets better everyday with German. I have really been learning to just go with it in Life, and not try and change things to the way you want it. Take what you have and make the best out of it.
After this I thought about something not so enjoyable. I have already been here for 4 months almost 5. And the new exchange students just recently came, the ones that go from January to January. (Australians, Brasilians, Argentinians etc.) That makes me an oldie. Which are the group of exchange students that have been here longer etc. But that just feels soo strange. I still remember the day I came here perfectly, and everything was soo new, and I was the newbie exchange student. And meeting all of the previous oldies. But that was soo long ago, Berlin tour is already over, and we only have 4 more rotary events until we go home. One of them being the next one, is meeting the outbounds. The germans that are abbout to leave in the upcoming summer. This all just brings back memories of me, one year ago being that outbound. And for all of you outbounds reading this, hang on to that moment, and start to write your blog then if your going to write one. That feeling of starting this whole thing and meeting the inbounds is such a great feeling, and its a good idea to capture that. But i just remember being there and thinking how cool the inbounds where, and now thats me, and also being an oldie. The time really flys here and I am almost half way over with my year.
The reason i was in this little german city in the Alps was last weekend we had another rotary weekend and we all went skiing in Oberstdorf for 2 days. It was so amazing. Lots of fun like always, and these weekends with Rotary have honestly been the best weekends of my life. They are soo fun, usually from Friday to Sunday, every moment is enjoyable, whether we are doing anything special or not. Next weekend I will be going back to Wasserburg to make some Mexican food with my friend Victor from Mexico. Then the first week in February I will be going way north of Bavaria, to stay in the house of another american exchange student. We will be celebrating a birthday of an Exchange student from Argentina. Possibly watching the superbowl as well at a crazy hour in the middle of the night. After that is my birthday on tuesday, and the following saturday I am treating myself to a FC Bayern Munich game with a friend from Rosenheim (Tobi). THe weekend after that is another Rotary weekend meeting the Oubounds, and then we have a week off of school for Faschings. This apparently is some huge German Festival, or Carnival, which includes dressing up in ridiculous costumes and doing ridiculous things. Then on the 22nd of February, one of my best friends in the world is coming for 5 days. I met her through rotary as an outbound and she right now is an exchange student in Norway (From wisconsin) That will be great. Well thats been it for right now. Life has been really enjoyable and it gets better everyday with German. I have really been learning to just go with it in Life, and not try and change things to the way you want it. Take what you have and make the best out of it.
January 9, 2012
Christmas Break
Christmas...is over, already, again, like every year. It comes and goes seemingly like in a few hours. But My Christmas in entirety was great, including Silvester and the whole christmas break. After Christmas day, the following monday I went to a Starbulls icehockey game in Rosenheim. They are the proffessional team that plays there. Was pretty awesome. We ended up winning in the shootout. The next day, I went to Wasserburg again, and spent two days there, didnt do so much but just a nice time as always with my exchange friends. Thursday, I met up with some friends from Prien, and we had a small party in Prien. Was pretty nice, finally got to meet some more people than just the ones in my class. Then on Saturday was Silvester (New Years) I went to Munich, and partied the whole night there with exchange students. Was the best new years ever. First we went to Olympia Park to watch fireworks. It was raining, but it was still cool, there was a small hill that we walked up and from there you could see everything in Munich, and overlooking Olympia Park, where the olympics where held in the 1970s. Then we went to a really cool bar/club. We stayed there pretty late, and i took the train back home from Munich to Aschau at 6.45 AM. Was a great first week of Holidays. Oh and yeah here in Germany, holidays are two weeks long compared to the one week long holidays in the USA. The second week I was planning on going to Frankfurt to visit Jan, my former exchange brother. He stayed with us in 2008 for 4 or 5 months, and he is from Germany. I was unfortunately unable to go, but instead I went to Austria for 4 days with my host family. That was pretty awesome. We went to a ski resort type of place. Was my first time to ski in my life. It was very scary the first few days, but the second and third day were a blast. Was amazing to be at the top of the mountain and also while going down, just looking around and just knowing your in the Alps, in Europe, and of course the view was fantastic. After We came home from that, on Friday I went to a wedding with my family. I can say German weddings are pretty similar to American ones, but there is no big kiss in German weddings. It was more a little peck, and then continued on with the service. Also the reception was fairly similar, there were a lot of games, and singing. In Germany for any occasion with drinking or beer involved (a lot) there is a beer keg sort of thing that is wooden. And for the wedding occasion, the groom gets to take a pick sort of thing and a hammer and open the keg. That was pretty cool. Then on saturday and sunday, I didnt do so much, I was tired, and it was a good 2 days of mostly relaxing. For upcoming plans. I will maybe be traveling to Prague in February, Small Possibility of London in the near future as well. Going to a FC Bayern München Game on February 11th. The 20th of January is the next Rotary Weekend, a ski weekend, should be really great. Especially with some of the people who have never skied before. My birthday is in about one month, that should be interesting. Savannah my best friend who lives in Norway right now (also Rotary Exchange Student) from my home state, may becoming to visit me in February also. Then there is another holiday for a week or so. And then there is some huge party like event here, called Carnival. Its apparently for like 3 months and started on 11.11.11 but in the last weeks of February it apparently really happens. I have heard crazy things that people do, like dressing up as crazy things, and doing crazy things, all sorts of stuff. I have no idea what to expect but i am looking forward to that. One more thing, I am joining the basketball club here. I am playing on Mondays and Wednesday nights with the Adult club, and Tuesday afternoons with the 14-16 year old club. Today is my first training with the adults, we should see how it goes. I have played basketball my whole life in USA, and I stopped just last year, should be really interesting to see how I compare to Germans. I already played once in the school tournament, haha, not to brag, but they obviously had not as much experience as me, so I carried us to a 2nd place finish =P
As for what I have been thinking and so with the whole big picture. I have had problems here, with pretty much lots of things, some of them are just unfortunate occurences, but others not. But I in the last few weeks have really been able to take care of some of them. And not to worry these problems arent that bad. But it feels so good to be able to do things truly on your own, it feels liberating, and I really feel like I am starting to mature, and be able to handle things on my own. It really is one of the things that i understand what it would be like to change, when the people in rotary would tell me before I came here, but now i understand. I know how I thought before I came here, I know what I would of done then. And now, I just recognize that I am simply starting to think of everything in a different way. The way I do things, The way I behave, everything. Going for a year abroad, no matter where you go, alone, will definitely make you grow up. It feels pretty great to get over those problems I have, and I am enjoying this new perspective of life that I am developing.
As for what I have been thinking and so with the whole big picture. I have had problems here, with pretty much lots of things, some of them are just unfortunate occurences, but others not. But I in the last few weeks have really been able to take care of some of them. And not to worry these problems arent that bad. But it feels so good to be able to do things truly on your own, it feels liberating, and I really feel like I am starting to mature, and be able to handle things on my own. It really is one of the things that i understand what it would be like to change, when the people in rotary would tell me before I came here, but now i understand. I know how I thought before I came here, I know what I would of done then. And now, I just recognize that I am simply starting to think of everything in a different way. The way I do things, The way I behave, everything. Going for a year abroad, no matter where you go, alone, will definitely make you grow up. It feels pretty great to get over those problems I have, and I am enjoying this new perspective of life that I am developing.
December 28, 2011
December 26, 2011
Frohe Weihnachte
Merry Christmas! I hope everyones holiday were great. and also a happy new years to everyone too :D My Christmas was nothing special, just a nice few days spending together with the whole family. Which is exactly what i wanted. Friday night (23rd) we went to Rosenheim and went to the Christkindlmarkt, its a giant christmas market, where a bunch of local vendors sell crafts and food and good stuff.There was so many people there, and there is where you buy the famous glüweihn, i spelled that wrong. but its like a hot wine, and its verry good on cold winter nights, and its really important in german culture for christmas. But the market was cool and it was a good way to spend the first night of holidays with my family.
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| Christkindlmarkt |
The next day was the 24th, which is actually when most of the Christmas celebrating happens here. We went ice skating together, and then to Church, after we came home. Then we opened presents and had a small meal of weiß wurst and kartoffel salat. (white sausage and potato salad). The next day the 25th we just spent the day together and had a big meal of a roast of some sort, some bavarian beer, dumplings (bavarian), and more potato salad. Was really nice to be together with the family for 2 straight days. Here the Christmas is really celebrated on the 24th like i said, and then the 25th and 26th are the two feast days of christmas.
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| Christmas Feast Day no. 1 meal |
Today I will be going to an Ice hockey game in Rosenheim with some of my old friends from there. Rosenheim has a proffessional team there. Tomorrow i think i am planning a trip to Wasserburg. New Years i think i am going to Munich to spend the new years with Exchange students. And after that I think i will be going to Frankfurt to visit my former exchange brother Jan. He lived in my house about 4 years ago, and he is from Germany. Cant wait to do that. Have a happy holidays and happy new years
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